The Nurse Complex

Let's see if we (and by we, I mean I) can speed things along a little bit :) 
So my period finally came and I went to get my blood taken (again) on day 3. 
Again I did a silent prayer begging God (pleading! I swear I'll never do anything bad again, just please please let this show better numbers!) to please make all my past blood work just a big mix up. 
But alas when the results came in, the numbers were still high :(

10/4/2011
FSH: 28.1
LH: 23.6
Estradiol: 62

Again, not what I was hoping, but still better than before. 
Kris, my NP, called and said she wanted to try out clomid to see how my body would respond, based solely on my numbers. 

Now here is where my problem with her starts. I told her the story about my endocrinologist and how she said it was normal and at this point I was wondering what my options were, because lets face it, googling "High FSH" is scary and makes me cry. 

(It's November at this point)
So I go in for the first appointment (Day 3, no clomid yet) and she does the internal sonogram and lo and behold--there are no follicles, no surprise. At the end of the appointment she starts telling me that my husband should get a semen analysis and gives me all this paperwork about getting pregnant and infertility. I didn't correct her, because I thought "If I tell her I'm not married she won't help me" 

It's really frustrating when you go to the Dr's and they quite clearly haven't read your chart. All i wanted to know was WHAT ARE MY OPTIONS! Instead she's literally trying to get me pregnant right then and there. Now don't get me wrong, I would have loved to have gotten pregnant, but at this point my boyfriend and I hadn't even been together for 2 years. We knew we wanted to be together, but I feel a little more traditional and wanted to wait until I at least had a ring on my finger (cue waiting another year and half lol) 

So I come back on Day 10--still acting like a scared little rabbit and won't open my mouth and correct the NP. And my body responded amazingly!! :) Produced a nice big follicle! (of course!) yay for me! except I wasn't trying to get pregnant right then. Ugh! we should have just started trying then! but I can't look back on the past and change anything. 

She wanted to give me a shot of HCG to try and make my body release the follicle and said if I get my period by December 4th to give the office a call and we'll try another round. So I got my period, call the office, go in for an appointment and STILL won't open my mouth. She keeps calling my boyfriend, my husband, and is still assuming that I am actively trying to get pregnant. At this point I am pretty sure that she believes she is the one who discovered my high FSH and that she did an official consultation with me to discuss our options because she keeps referencing our first appointment. 

At this point--I officially hate dr's. Seriously, learn to read the chart! It's very simple. But alas they all have this God complex and think they know all and that what they know is all that there is! Actually, she's not even a dr. Which makes this more of a nurse complex. A nurse who thinks shes a dr, who thinks she's God's gift to women. 

Yes I have a major problem with her don't judge me! 

I should mention that from the beginning she has always told me that she will be able to get me pregnant. When I first started going to this practice I expressed concern that I would have trouble getting pregnant and she said "you're so young. don't worry. when you want to get pregnant--i WILL get you pregnant!" super confident.

So when my blood results came back so poor in September and October-- she was still very positive. Don't worry--I'll get you pregnant. I've done it before... blah blah blah. 
By November she seems less confident and by December, when my body didn't respond as well to the Clomid, even less. In November she was so surprised and happy at how well my body responded and when I brought that up to her in December she stared at me and nastily said "I could get an 80 year old woman to respond well to Clomid. It's not special!"

By Day 10 in December when she started being a bitch, I finally said "I want to take a break" I wanted to wait until I was engaged (although I didn't tell her that because she still thinks I'm married to my boyfriend) and wanted to try and get into shape and at least lose the 40 lbs I randomly put on (probably due to my POF)--which is so hard considering my body thinks I'm in menopause and simply refuses to let me lose anything. Super frustrating! Her response, super cheerful and acting all friendly to me again, "oh of course! Just let me know when you are ready again" 

(Cue: break) 

We will return in April 2012. Stay tuned... :)